Okay, another test. (This one really seems to work!)
How are you about holidays?
For Valentine's Day, do you dutifully send a dozen roses to the object of your affections, take her to dinner, and shower her with appreciation? Maybe you send a valentine to every member of your family, or each one of your friends? On Valentine's Day itself, does your happiness depend on getting those flowers (a full dozen at least, count them to be sure), and your secret wish has always been to get a surprise RING (promise or engagement) on that day?
For Christmas, do you knock yourself out buying Just The Right Gift for someone else (maybe MANY someone elses), and present it at just the right moment, preferably wrapped in a Very Special Way? Or perhaps you handmake your Christmas gifts, and slave over them, getting them done just in the nick of time for the Big Day? Perhaps you never have any home-made things of your own, because you're always making things for other people, usually to be presented on a holiday occasion? (And usually they are the "perfect gift," according to the recipient and sometimes even everyone who knows the recipient.)
On Mother's Day, do you make a point of dutifully sending flowers, and a card, and either make breakfast in bed or attend a Sunday brunch -- all with a loving heart?
If you say "yes" to most of these questions, you probably have a preference for extraverted Feeling. You have been culturally programmed to take the appropriately sanctioned actions on these days and will feel remiss if you do not. (And you may take it for granted that everyone else does it too!) Yes, it's a cliche -- you know that -- and you love the cliche. Extraverted Feeling adores the cliche -- it probably *invented* the cliche! I confess: for years I dreamt of being swept off my feet by a knight in shining armor who rode atop his white charger precisely on Valentine's Day (~swoon~). Hey, I got engaged on the Eiffel Tower for pete's sakes -- could it be any more cliche than that?
Okay, you're right -- we could have gotten engaged on Valentine's Day. So I don't go that far -- and I'm intelligent enough to know that a diamond ring is no substitute for love. But I can't deny the part of me that is completely in love with the cliche and wants to embody *that*. I have decorations for most all the holidays, and love putting up the Christmas tree, or waving flags on the Fourth of July, or putting a stuffed bunny in the living room for Easter. I used to love making May baskets as a kid and taking them around the neighborhood to share. And I was well into my twenties when I still used to mail valentines to everybody I knew (okay, almost) on that magical day.
Introverted Feeling, on the other hand, rejects this sort of cliche. As someone writes, "I object to the sort of commercialised, insincere mush that is falsely presented as 'romance' in the media and advertising" and rejects "the Hallmark capitalistic display of romance." In contrast to extraverted Feeling, introverted Feeling prefers to convey its affection.... in its own way.... in its own time... with its own methods. It chafes at any notion that something outside of them might dictate or regulate how and when and where they will celebrate their feelings.
Here's what an INFP has written about it:
> Valentine's Day is a perfect example. This
> time of year, people start being bombarded with "reminders" to buy a
> gift or do something special for a sweetheart. I resist that, to
> the point of wanting to do something special for my wife every day
> *except* Feb. 14. But I always break down and buy a card or flowers
> or something anyway. Ironically, she has an even more negative
> attitude toward the holiday. She might force a thank-you, but Fe is
> her "trickster" function, so she automatically wonders what I'm up
> to, what I want, what I'm trying to pull. It's a bad holiday for us
> all around.> my "oppositional" Fe seems to show up whenever someone says
> something like, "You ought to call your mother" or "Don't forget to
> send a thank-you card" or "We really should make an appearance at so-
> and-so's party." My instant reaction is resistance. Whether it's a
> good idea or not, I don't want to do it -- mainly because it's just
> a social obligation and is not coming from my heart.
An ISFP (also DomFi) responds with this:
Valentine's day is the perfect example. My ENFP husband hates the
holiday, precisely because it feels fake. "Hallmark" is a bad word
for him, not because he doesn't give people cards, but because he
accuses that particular company of "raking in money and cashing in
on people's feelings."My parents (both with auxiliary extraverted Feeling) love Valentine's Day
and look forward to it as a welcome, socially correct occasion to honor
your spouse and tell him/her how much you love being married to him/her.
+++++++++++++++++++++
So there ya go! Introverted Feeling resists (deplores) socially correct occasions, and extraverted Feeling LIVES for them.
Let me be clear -- even folks who prefer extraverted Feeling wince at the commercialism associated with this holidays, and the obvious greed and exploitation that they generate. But they celebrate the holiday anyway, in spite of all that -- and LOVE the splashy fuss. And their hearts go "pitter-patter" about expressing themselves brilliantly on that one particular day.
In fact, years ago when I was in a relationship with an ENFP, I used to knock myself out every Christmas to make it really special when we celebrated it with his family. One year he told me that I had "raised the bar" on what Christmas could be like, and had inspired the rest of his family to not just go through the motions, but to really make an effort. This was huge news for me, because I assumed everybody put as much consideration and work into Christmas as I did. Who knew?!
In conversations I've had with INFs, this seems to be one of the BEST measuring sticks for detecting the difference between introverted and extraverted Feeling (thus highlighting differences between INFP and INFJ). Even the INFPs who reeeeally think they have a preference for extraverted Feeling tend to grinch about holiday obligations, thus betraying their true preference.
Answer this question as honestly as you can, and you will have a fairly reliable answer about which pattern you truly prefer. (By the way, I have limited patience with visitors who say, "Yes, But" about this test, and continue to drum up additional "reasons" for why INFJ is still their best-fit pattern. Please don't waste my time!)
(Hint: don't leave this page until you really decide!)
